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Has this happened to you? You’ve had a lovely date and he’s walked you to your car. You share an intimate moment, and then he steps back and while you’re still loosely in his arms, he asks, “Why are you still single?”

I find that if I spend a few hours with a guy—when he has the time—this question inevitably comes up.

Now, I tend to take a few hours on a date because I think it’s a fair enough time to give both of us a true gauge of whether we want to see each other again. I tend to know quickly when I don’t want to see someone again, and the date will end in about an hour. When it goes over that, there’s something that intrigues me (and him) and we’re having a good time.

My simplest answer to this question is that “I haven’t found what I’m looking for yet.”

A friend once said that perhaps my expectations were too high. Hmm, perhaps…so I thought about it and wrote down my expectations. When I finished the list, I concluded that, no, I’m not asking too much. I want what I want and see no shame in putting it out there.

Psychologists talk about internal challenges as an answer—like low-self-esteem, hang-ups from past relationships, yadda yadda. I don’t have these challenges. Though I did take a deep look at myself and came up with things that I am.

I am selective. Others say picky or nitpicky and I want to smack them. Yes, I have expectations. We all do. I know what I want, what turns my head and perks my interest and I’m not willing to compromise on that. I want compatibility and chemistry—nothing lasts without that foundation.

I have a type. Many will say that they don’t, but truly I believe we all have a type. Some like skinny girls, some like big girls, some like blondes, some like brunettes. Personally, I don’t like the runner’s physique. I like men with some meat on them. I like dark-haired men.

I’m a true believer in eye candy, or as I’m wont to say: man candy. And, be honest, you like it too. It doesn’t mean that that’s what I go for or look for in a relationship. It only means that my eyes appreciates something beautiful—much like the sun setting on an eastern shore.

Now, of course this is all superficial but looks are what first gets our notice and I make no qualms about appreciating what my eye sees.

I’m not a recluse. I put myself out there—which has led to meeting a lot of scammers—and I make an effort to look good when I do. (When you look good, you feel good.)

Sadly, I’m in a very small pond of available men, but that also doesn’t stop me. I continue to be optimistic.

I am not perfect. I have imperfections that I try to improve on. Hence, another reason why I took a self-assessment quiz.

I don’t want perfection, but I do want someone who is perfect for me.

So, why are you single?

The Huffington Post says this is one of those questions that should never be asked out loud, and I agree. What kind of response is the person looking for who asks that question?

 “After my divorce, I replied that it took being divorced to realize how amazing I was. And realizing that made it even more clear that I was worth more than I’d allowed myself to have in a relationship. Settling was no longer for me.”

―Aubrey Keefer, Huffington Post Contributor

And to be fair, I gotta agree with Al here:

“I say: Well, if only you could see me before my morning coffee! Seriously, though, I simply haven’t found the woman who’ll inspire me, challenge me and make me smile at the mere thought of her. Once I do, you’ll meet that unicorn.”

―Al Corona, Huffington Post Contributor

I want to be challenged and inspired by the man I choose to be in a relationship with. We need to push ourselves ever forward and if you’re partner doesn’t help you do this then the relationship stagnates, and you become complacent or disillusioned. It’s only downhill from there.

“I hear this literally almost every other day, usually from people who are dear to me. I tell them: Yes, meaningful companionship is essential, but your life shouldn’t be any less valuable in the absence of a relationship.”

―Soumia Aziz (courtesy of Huffington Post)

I admit I have a good life, but yes, I believe it would be better to share it with someone.

So, this blog offers no real answers, just perhaps some truths, my truth. I ask you to find your own truth, and then perhaps share it with me in a comment below.