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If you’re like me, you check your email each morning. Yeah, yeah, okay several times a day but let’s just stick with the morning reading for now.
There I am at my desk with my java, trolling my inbox, deleting the nonsensical, the advertisements, etc., when lo and behold there’s an interaction message from my current dating site.
Now let me digress here and say how annoying it is to have to click on the “Get in contact” button, only to then be taken to the site and then have to login to said site before I can view the message. As a paid subscriber, why can’t I just see the message in my inbox? Side note to all you developers out there—give the ladies an app that does that and your signups would soar!
Finally, I’m in my Message box and, with a hint of hope, I open it.
Hello, 704 684 9786
Wow, what a smooth talker we have here. Now I’m not knocking the guy—well, perhaps just a smidge. I’m sure it took some courage to send a message. I’m sure he had hopes I would call, but seriously what lady calls a guy from a message like that? Let me be more specific—what lady who’s looking for a long-term relationship calls a guy just from a message like that? Now of course I looked at the profile.
Please click here to listen to the theme from Psycho. I’ll wait a moment.
I hope I’m painting a picture.
Now I think I’m a pretty gal, certainly not gorgeous and far from a 10, perhaps a 7, 7.5 when I’m clean, dressed nice, and feeling perky. 😊 But I’m certainly not gonna respond to a profile that only has one face pic and one-word answers to the profile questions. How do I respond to that? What would we possibly talk about? Sadly, fellas, I believe most ladies want more substance, something they can respond to. Just like writing novels I need action reaction. So, if your action is to post only a phone number, my reaction is to ignore it. A better action might be to have viewed my profile and what I’d written and then comment on something that particularly made you click to send a message. Even when I’m not interested, I will react with kindness to a message from that guy—he took time to write something thoughtful and I respond in kind, thanking him, expressing my appreciation and then wishing him well on his search.
And I believe many guys think the same. If not, please chime in here, fellas—I’m all for a two-way street.
All I can say is: think before you act. We are such a responsive society, letting our thumbs do all the talking. DO NOT CLICK THE HEART ICON!! Five seconds in you’re telling someone you love them. I don’t think so. Now I do like the little smiley faces, but still…don’t we all want a tad more? With the plethora of profiles, be different and, please please please follow through. (In another blog I shall talk about ghosting, so stay tuned.) This should not be treated as the ice cream parlor where you can sample all the flavors before deciding on one. (Well, okay, perhaps it is, but should you really treat people that way? How does it feel when it happens to you?)
And, yes, we all have some hang-ups—height for me is huge!!!! Let’s put that in caps so you really get the impression of stature.
HUGE.
I’m 5’9″—but let’s take this into perspective, so the average American woman is 5’2″ and the average American man is 5’7″ (sorry on further review, updated from Healthline February 2019, the average woman is 5’4″ and the average man is 5’9″ —look America we’re growing!). Already I’m at a disadvantage because I’m in the above-average category. Snicker, snicker. Yep above average, that’s me. Kinda like that 90th percentile rating that makes you feel so good about your little bundle of joy when you’re at the bi-annual checkup and the doctor shows you the milestone chart.
So, guys, I must ask—if you’re 5’7″ and what I’m looking for specifically states I want a guy six feet and above, why do you message me? Truly, I really want to know. Are you just passing time? I’ve received the “height doesn’t bother me” answer from one guy. Ah sure, doesn’t bother YOU, did you miss the part where it says it bothers ME?
Again, I say, please think before your thumbs act. And to give some guidance, here are five easy tips to start you out.
- Say more than “hi.”
- Ask a question. This prompts them to respond.
- Comment on something you read in their profile. This lets them know you took the time to read it.
- How did you feel when you read that person’s profile? Nothing shouts “interested” more than feeling.
- Go for it. Ask them out. “I’d love to get together with you, are you free this Friday night?”
So, I’d love to hear you’re take on this, please comment or message below and let’s dive in.
Till next time, thanks for reading Fifty and Frustrated.
15 Comments
Wow, I had to laugh at this post because it is almost exactly what I deal with on these dating sites. I answer the requirements section based on what I require but do the guys actually read it, NO! I do take the time to respond to the guys that actually respond with something meaningful to say but one word answers and one profile pic, definite turnoff! So thank you, I’m taking your advice and I’m going to use those five questions as guidance and see if I get a better response. #fiftyandfrustrated
Hi Angela, you’re very welcome! So good to hear I’m not alone in my thinking. Let me know how those questions turn out for you.
I think men see things differently, like if we’re on dating sites, then it’s just a numbers game, same as walking into a crowded bar. You ask, they say no, you ask again. Repeat until you get a yes. It only takes one. A NUMBERS GAME,
Interesting take. So women should take the non-answers as a no and just move on to the next? Yeah, I get that–that’s not the problem. For me, the problem would be, do guys really think a girl is gonna respond to a profile that has only one pic and nothing filled out to give us a hint of what they’re looking for or what they like? If it’s all just numbers, why do they respond to the first message but then not the second message?
Wow, this paragraph is good, my sister is analyzing such
things, thus I am going to
tell her.
Thank you, Caroline.
Hi there! This blog post could not be written much better!
Looking at this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
He constantly kept preaching about this.
Thank you, Jann.
Hi there, I check your blog like every week.
Your story-telling style is witty, keep doing what you’re doing!
Great article! Thank you 🙂
It’s the best time to make some plans for the future and it’s time to be happy.
Hello! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers?
My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing months of hard work
due to no backup. Do you have any methods to prevent
hackers?
Yowza, that’s a tough question, and as I’m new to this whole website thing I am not the one to ask though I do try and stay abreast of things. I go to WP classes (see if there’s a Meetup group in your area for this) and check out the forums. I do update often and use an SSL certificate and I have learned to backup everything–having lost a year’s worth of writing taught me to backup, backup, backup–in more than one place. I also use Webroot on my personal computer, and I have found it these last 5 years to be much better than Norton. Hope this helps.