I turned fifty this year, halfway to the century mark and, boy, does that make a person take stock of themselves and their life. Where have I been, what have I learned? What am I doing, am I growing? Where am I going—the whole past, present, future conundrum.

For a long while—we’re talking five years—a friend and I get together at a local brewery to share our week’s ramblings and woes while sipping something alcoholically refreshing. And she’d always ask me how my swiping was going, and I always had an amusing tale of social dysfunction (mainly on the man’s side) in which to engage her.

I’ve been single—off and on—for about ten years, and this particular friend has known me for eight of those flabbergasting years, so believe me when I say, I have many stories about the dating world. One could even say that I kick Scheherazade’s butt in storytelling. (So, I just did the math on that: one story per week for 52 weeks for eight years equals 416 tales, so I have 585 more tales to equal one thousand and one. But she took less than three years and I’m going on eight, so I still say I kick her butt! But I digress.)

Having reached this milestone, I need to figure out life at 50—numerous changes are happening (think: menopause) and what do they all mean? How will I change?

Do you ever question who you are supposed to be?

If you’ve attained your best self? I have not. I’m still learning about life, relationships, being a mother and a grandmother, maybe even a daughter. Does it ever end? I don’t think so. I believe that we shall continue to learn and grow, because once we stop learning, we die—if we do not push ever forward, when we give up, we die.

I’m not saying death is a bad thing—I truly do not know. Our bodies often fail us so that has nothing to do with what I’m talking about. It’s like what I hear about retirement. Some retire and continue to live full and happy lives doing things they love; some retire and slowly die, and I believe that’s because they give up, they did not know what to do with themselves in retirement.

Did you know that 50 percent of the women in this world are 45 years old and older? I wonder how many are single. (The census data is a bit too much for me to decipher so if anyone knows the answer, please share.)

Am I frustrated? Of course, I am. Aren’t you? The world we grew up in has changed, dramatically, and the dating world…what the heck is going on there? Do you know what I mean? What has happened to actually dating someone and getting to know them over coffee or a drink?

I think many out there feel what I’m feeling so I started this blog for you in hopes that we can travel this path together, and air out the frustrations we feel in our lives and the world around us.

As individuals we are all shaped by our past experiences, they gravitate into today and perhaps pose problems for the future. The cure, I think, or perhaps more apt would be to say the cure I propose is dialogue.

Let’s start a dialogue!

I need to start a dialogue, a conversation. Maybe I can learn something, and you can learn something, and we can help one another in some way—become better people. One person at a time, create a huge community. That’s what this blog/podcast/website is all about. I needed to do something and if you’re reading this then hopefully you feel a connection.

It’s why we read books, not just for an escape but to know someone else out there is going through something—the same something we may be experiencing in our day-to-day lives. We can align ourselves with characters, see some of the same struggles, see what the characters did, and hopefully learn something. Why do you think there are so many WWI and WWII stories, biographies, etc.? We look back in order to learn something to move forward.

I shall not get political and I shall not get religious. Everyone has the right to their opinion, and everyone seeks truth in their own way. Here, you shall learn about my opinions, my truths, my ups and downs in the dating world. Many, many ups and downs in the dating world. These last ten years I have been single. Yes, I’ve had some dates and some relationships, but they did not fulfill me and thus they did not last. And, at age fifty, I no longer want to settle. I think that’s such a harsh term: settling. In this world I think we settle for so much, and yet we continue to seek something better, some self-improvement for ourselves or for others. Why do you think that is?

I grew up in New York City, but I often tell people, we cannot choose where we are born and raised, we can only choose where we want to live. Residing in Western North Carolina these last 16 years—jumping from Asheville, Hendersonville to Flat Rock like some bird migrating South—has had its share of highs and lows.

Highs have been that I raised my son to be a wonderful man (I am so proud of him), went back to school and got my bachelor’s and master’s degrees, started this whole writing journey, made some great BFFs (okay two but stop counting—I’m working on the foursome), and experienced love.

Lows have been losing love and experiencing all those emotions that go with it (Think the seven stages of grief and you got it.), constant financial struggle, my son leaving the nest (okay that’s a high moment too), and the back-and-forth tussle with my weight and self-image. (If my hairdresser had kept all my hair from all the various drastic cuts and styles these last years, she could have stuffed a king mattress—okay yuck, but you get the picture.)

It’s hard to start over at 50, but I believe it would be even harder for me to work in an office 9-to-5 with someone else telling me what to do. So, I like the idea of now being a small business owner AND a woman. Obviously, there are some perks and pitfalls that go along with that, so we’ll discuss those too.

This won’t be a daily practice, but it shall be more than a weekly practice. (I think!) Trust me, I have a lot of shit to unload. Can I use that word here? The word police won’t come after me, will they? Speaking of word police, in a way I am one. I’ve spent the last 20 years of my life with a figurative and imaginative red pen/pencil in my hand editing others’ writing. Thus, I feel it’s time to get my own ramblings started, work my imaginative muscle as other writers say.

So I also started my personal writing journey, working on a historical novel set in Renaissance Italy. You can read a snippet of that here, and follow that blog for all the things that coincide in the novel. It is one of my great loves.

You shall find my additional loves in this blog—food and drink, travel (yes, luxury and solo travel, how shall I afford it, ugh), relationships and well-being (okay, not favs but definitely things to discuss), and arts and entertainment (especially literature and personal development)—but mainly I strive to create community and conversation. Don’t most of us want a happily ever after? Don’t most of us deserve a happily ever after?

Thus, this blog is about learning and growing. You shall learn about me, and hopefully I shall learn about you. Follow me on this journey of discovery. I welcome your comments and suggestions.

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