This post contains affiliate links. We may earn compensation when you click on the links at no additional cost to you.

For three months I dated a guy online who said he was from Brussels and a Sergeant in the military. Now, I was a bit skeptical because I had heard this before in my myriad years of online dating, but he was kind, didn’t ask any probing questions, and lifted my spirits. So, I played along: one half hoping he was being true; the other half doubtful, thinking sooner or later he would ask for money and I would know I was being scammed. Sound familiar?

The advent of the Internet has led to a proliferation of scammers. Since 1995, when Match.com was founded, online dating sites have grown in popularity and credibility. They are like a buffet, there’s something for everyone.…All with the intent of bringing people together for love. But they also all have a layer of secrecy and it makes it easier for people to lie. In another article I talk about reasons for lying, but let’s go a bit deeper here. Forget the superficial lies about age, how do you know whether the hoped-for match you’re chatting with is real and not some shark looking to scam you out of your cash?

Many people choose online dating with the hopes of making a connection—a lover, a spouse, a lasting relationship…It’s easier, and, perhaps we tell ourselves, safer. Surfing the Web from the comfort of home instead of plowing the bars, grocery stores, what have you for possibilities. Who truly finds love in a grocery store? Years back, I was terrified when a guy followed me to my car, touting how beautiful I was and asking for my number. Secretly I was flattered, but the suddenness of it all almost felt like an attack.

Do you ever feel like you’re more prey than predator?

Why do people prey on others? This is something I don’t understand. Why do people prey on people who are simply looking for love? Isn’t the world messed up enough? And what’s with using the military to do it? That just adds another layer of wrongness. I’ve had so many scammers say they’re in the military—therefore they can’t meet you in person. But being forewarned is forearmed. If you’re online it pays to do some research, even the US Army now gives info on scammers.

So, I took stock yesterday and realized that I have been dating online, off and on, for 11 years. And each match that involved a real person led nowhere: One couldn’t allow himself to trust me, since his wife had cheated on him over 50 times—this led me to always be on the defensive, assuring him of where I was and what I was doing. One wasn’t over his ex-girlfriend when we met, which led to him cheating on me with her. And one who I thought was truly promising turned out to be leading a double life—he was married.

Suffice to say, I have been unlucky in love. Interspersed between all these matches and myriad first dates were some interesting scammers. So yes, I have learned quite a bit (Is it a wonder why I started this blog?). Perhaps this is a good thing. Thus, I offer these ten things I learned about online scammers in the hopes that you shall not waste as much time on them as I have.

10. They are quick to move you off the dating site. Dating sites now have more credibility as well as the ability to monitor users, so they tend to spot scammers and give them the boot, which is why scammers will tell you their membership is up soon and can I have your number/email so we can continue to communicate? Now, I agree with exchanging numbers and moving to talking on the phone. And I mean actual talking—if all they ever want to do is text that’s another red flag.

9. They will NOT video chat with you. Technology is wonderful, we have Skype, FaceTime and so on—if you can’t meet in person then ask for a video chat. You can learn so much about a person through body language. A scammer would never let you get that close.

8. They do not have a lot of pics on their profile, nor do they tend to have a lot of info, either. Scammers do not want to put in the effort to fill these things out. Plus, the pics tend to look like stock photos. When I see a profile with one photo and nothing filled out, I move on, swipe left, what have you. If you’re truly looking for love, then you will take the needed time to fill out your profile. I give something of myself in my profiles and I look for others who do the same.

7. They tend to be widowers with children. Oh yes, the sympathy card. I’m not sure how it works on the guy’s side, for I know they are scammed as well, but who hasn’t fallen for the lonely widower who lost his wife to cancer (or something else) and is now raising the children himself? Statistics state there are almost 14 million widowed people in the world and 11 million of them are women. Do the math, ladies, how many of those profiles you come across state widow? Now, it can be true, all I’m saying is it’s raises my bs meter.

6. They quickly ask for personal info. I once had a scammer say he wanted to send me roses so could I give him my address? Uh, no. This led me to putting another number on my phone that I could make first contact from. They have apps for that. Build in some safety for yourself—don’t link Facebook or Instagram accounts with your dating profile. And don’t be quick to give out your email address.

5. They never meet you. They may set up a meeting, but it is always canceled, or they are a no-show. They are quick to offer excuses. The only way to truly get to know someone is through face-to-face interaction. This is where feelings grow—do you like the way they smell, the way they look, the way they handle themselves around others? It’s like a switch—either you’re turned on or turned off.

4. They tend to confess their love or emotional attachment to you before they’ve even met you. Now, okay, a person can truly say some nice things online—how beautiful you look, how much they’re thinking of you, how much they miss you—and yes this strokes the ego and feelings come into play. But be warned, those feelings are based on the “idea” of the person you are talking to. You have not met yet so how can they confess they love you? What do they love? I dare you to ask them that. Sorry, I admit I like to play with scammers, it’s like playing with telemarketers.

3. They often claim to be from Australia or another western country but travelling or working overseas. My “Sergeant” said he was from Brussels, Belgium. I have never had one say they were from the US. This makes it easier for them to excuse the words/grammar they are using, since English is not their first language. Their messages tend to be vague, poorly written (though Mr. Brussels wrote well), and easily escalate to professions of love (this he did by month two).

2. They often ask for pictures/video of you. Now I need you to express true caution here. I’m a quid pro quo kind of girl—you send a pic and I’ll send a pic. Please keep it clean. Scammers will use these pics for other profiles, or even more nefarious sites so please beware what you send out.

1. And this is huge: The minute they ask for money, disappear. IT IS A SCAM!!! Report them to the dating site and block their number. And it’s not always money, it can be gifts or other valuable items. Do NOT accept goods that you then have to ship elsewhere. Do NOT accept money that you then have to transfer elsewhere. If you are the slightest bit uncomfortable, that’s your inner conscience telling you something—heed it.

The Internet is a lure that we can’t seem to ignore. I admit each new match is instant euphoria. You’re immediately in the honeymoon phase where everything is wonderful. But I’m a patient person and I caution you to be the same.

As a hopeless romantic, I believe the right person will come along. Don’t rush into things. It’s takes time to build trust and respect; these are the foundations of a good, lasting relationship. And meeting in person is the concrete in that foundation. Till next time on Fifty and Frustrated…stay safe.